You Shall Want For Nought

- originally written November 29, 2007 -

Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.

It's such a painful thing.

Something you can't have.
Someone who doesn't want you back.
Something that the world dictates is wrong.

So, why do we want?

Are these things really so bad?

But if they weren't bad, why would the world/society say that they are?

But most importantly, why do we want?

Are we really a world full of masochists* disguising ourselves as normal people?

We want something that, for whatever reason, we can't have. And it hurts inside. Enough that every time you are reminded of this, a wave of heavy fatigue takes you over. And all you want to do is give up going on.

I'm not talking about being reminded of it constantly. Part of our disguise of being normal is that we go day to day ignoring ourselves and pushing forward. We have to live in the now. But, once in a decent while, you see or notice something little in the world, something insignificant even, something that reminds you that deep down somewhere inside of you, you are hiding a want. And BAM that wave of fatigue washes over you! And that foundation of excuses and reasons that you have been using to push forward with starts to quake. And you know that you can lose your will to move forward in an instant if you let yourself.

But, no, you won't succumb to it. You've been working too hard to hide. There is no way in hell that you are going to let that foundation crumble. So you fight through that fatigue. And you go on with your day. Try and pretend like it never happened. Keep yourself occupied until you fall into bed ready to sleep. And hope against hope that when you wake up in the morning, you will have forgotten that you remember.

If you're lucky, you will have forgotten. If your not, you'll lie to yourself and pretend that you have. And then you will pack your day, or maybe week, so full of things that need to be done that you won't have a moment to breathe, let alone think. And this is a sure proof plan for forgetting that you remember.

Once the plan is successfully followed through on, you can go on with your life, assured that the want is once again hidden away. And you won't have to worry again for a while. Not until the next little insignificant thing that reminds you of what you want to forget passes through your life.

Never considering the fact that every time you go through this process, every time you build you foundation stronger, thicker, and higher, you will have farther to fall when you finally do fall. And rest assured that you will fall; it's virtually inevitable in the laws of life and the universe (which go hand in hand). Unless of course your lucky enough to die an early and completely unexpected death. Preferably something quick and painless.

So, are we really a bunch of closet masochists* disguised as normal people?

Because, as much as we tell ourselves that we are hiding our wants so as to not unbalance society, it is a choice that we have made on our own, each as an individual. No one made it for us. We have decided to hurt ourselves for the so called 'greater good'.

It's all one big defense mechanism. One that we are not actually taught, but one that we pick up subconsciously.

It's all so beautifully artistic, isn't it?